A rich man often went to Bangkok for the night life and before long he contracted sexual disease. So one day, he went to the doctor for a checkup.

The doctor examine his private part and said, "This is a very severe case. We have no other way but to cut it away. otherwise, it will spread and become worse."

The businessman was shocked. the last thing he wanted was to have it cut and end his night life. He went to other doctors but all gave the same diagnosis.

Desperate he thought, "Why don't I consult traditional Chinese medicine. They might have some surprises"

So, the Chinese doctor gave him an examination and the doctor said," We don't have to cut. I'll give you herbs to rub."

The rich man was so happy. "Wow no operation, you are better than western medicine. I'm amazed, So what is the exact secret?"

The Chinese doctor said, "Just wait for three days. It will drop by itself."



A Chinese man arranged for a hooker to come to his room for the evening. Once in the room they undressed, climbed into bed, and went at it. When finished, the Chinese man jumped up, ran over to the window, took a deep breath, dove under the bed, climbed out the other side, jumped back into bed with the hooker and commenced a repeat performance.

The hooker was impressed with the gusto of the second encounter. When finished, the Chinese man jumped up, ran over to the window, took a deep breath, dove under the bed, climbed out the other side, jumped back into bed with the hooker and started again!

The hooker was amazed at this sequence. During the fifth encounter, she decided to try it herself. When they were done she jumped up, went to the window and took a deep breath of fresh air, dove under the bed to find 4 other Chinese men.


Paron Me

A flat-chested woman was delighted when her fairy-god mother said her chest would increase in size each time a man says, "Pardon" to her.
She walked down the sidewalk, accidentally bumped into a man and he said, "Pardon me." Her chest instantly grew an inch and she was ecstatic.
The next day, she bumped into a man in the grocery store,he begged her pardon and another inch was added to her chest. She was in seventh heaven!
She walked into a Chinese restaurant,colided with a waiter who bowed and said, "A thousand pardons for my clumsy behavior."
The next day, the headline in the local newspaper says, "Chinese Waiter Crushed to Death!"


The Moon and the Sun

Two wise men were talking about the Moon and the Sun. They wanted to figure out which one was more valuable. Finally, they came to a conclusion: "We know that the moon has twice the value of the Sun because the Moon shines at night when everyone needs light, but the sun shines only during the day when no one needs it.


A lady sees some Chinese characters on a Chinese menu. She likes them, so she goes home and makes a shirt with the symbols on it. Later that day, she bumps into a Chinese person. The person looks at her and says "Do you know what your shirt says?" The lady admits that she doesn't know and asks the man to translate. The man says, "Your shirt says 'cheap but good'."


Three Chinese brothers, Bu, Chu, and Fu, want to illegally live in America. The brothers decide to change their names to seem American. Bu changes his name to Buck. Chu changes his name to Chuck. And Fu got sent back to China.


A boy and his Chinese family went to the zoo, and they saw two monkeys having sex. The boy asked "What are they doing?" The parents replied "Making a cake." On the way home, they saw two poodles having sex. He asked "What are they doing?" "Making a cake," his parents replied. They all went to bed. In the morning, the boy went to his parents and said "Since you were making a cake last night, I went and licked all the icing off your bed."

Mr. Johnson got himself a new secretary. She was young, sweet, and very polite.

One day while taking dictation, she noticed his fly was open. When leaving the room, she said, "Mr. Johnson, your barracks door is open."

He did not understand her remark, but later on he happened to look down and saw that his zipper was open. He decided to have some fun with his secretary. Calling her in, he asked, "By the way Miss Jones, when you saw my barracks door was open this morning, did you also notice a soldier standing at attention?"

The secretary, who was quite witty replied, "Why no sir, all I saw was a little disabled veteran sitting on two duffel bags."

Mother of all Naughty SMS Jokes

* If necessity is the mother of invention, then… Frustration is the father of masturbation!

* What is the definition of a healthy virgin?
One who has never been Bed RIDDEN!

* While preparing her RESUME a young Lady wrote:
Special qualification: I am Flexible enough to Perform in all Positions.

* Define contraceptive pill?
It's the second best thing that a women can keep in her mouth to avoid pregnancy.

* What do politicians & porn stars have in common?
They are experts in switching positions in front of a camera!

* Importance of UNITY explained at it's best:
One Leg of a woman tells the other: UNITED we are saved, divided we are *ucked.

* Same Sex Marriage:
What's the big deal in same sex marriages? I've been married to the same woman for 25 years

and had the same old sex all that time.

* Tension is when wife is pregnant!
Terror: When girlfriend is pregnant!
Horror: When both r pregnant!
Tragedy: When U r Not responsible 4 both.

BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.

GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...

GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a
ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??

GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple


GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??

BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??

BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??

SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning
kiss??
TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the
cigarette out of his
mouth.

MAN : You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN : NO, because you make me sick.

WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear
and comes out of
the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in
both ears and comes
out of the mouth.

MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly.What
do u think,
Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.

Girlfriend : "...And are you sure you love me and
no one else ?"
Boyfriend : "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list
again yesterday".

Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun
or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
Teacher : "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we
need it but the sun
gives us light only in the day time when we don't
need it".

Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on
talking when
people are no longer interested?"
Pupil : "A teacher".

Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?"
Customer : "What other colors do you have?"

My father is so old that when he was in school,
history was called
current affairs.

Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
Sam : "It's a family tradition".
Teacher : "What do you mean?" Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my
father is a teacher".
Teacher : "What about your mother?"
Sam : "She's a woman".

Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father
that I've
failed?"
David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared,
past year's
performance repeated".

Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating
a donkey and
stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?"
Student : "Brotherly love".

Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say
prayers before
eating?"
Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good
cook".

Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering
doctor?"
Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show
that nine out of
ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the
tenth case I've
treated. The others all died".

Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of
COINCIDENCE?"
One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married
on the same day
and at the same time."

Employees of a Company are all worried. Some are roaming around. Some are in
loud discussions during office time.....

Some Trainees, who had just joined, notice this and enquire about what happened
to a senior employee, they ask, "What's going on?"

"Terrorists have kidnapped our Boss"

They're asking for Rs.10 Crores ransom, otherwise they're going to
douse him with petrol and set him on fire.

We're going from desk to desk, taking up a collection."

One Trainee asks, "How much is everyone giving, on average?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"About 1 Litre"

A smart guy went hunting one day in ontario and bagged three ducks. He put them in the back of his pickup truck and was about to drive home when he was confronted by a game warden who didn't like smart guys.

the game warden ordered him to show his hunting license and the smart guy pulled out a valid ontario hunting license.


the game warden looked at the license, then reached over and picked up one of the ducks, sniffed its butt, and said," this duck ain't from ontario. This is a quebec duck. You got a quebec hunting license, boy??"


the smart guy reached into his wallet and produced a quebec hunting license. The game warden looked at it, then reached over and grabbed the second duck, sniffed its butt,and said " this ain't no quebec duck. This duck's from manitoba. You got a manitoba license??"

the smart guy reached into his wallet and produced a manitoba hunting license. The warden then reached over and picked up the third duck, sniffed its butt, and said " this ain't no manitoba duck. This here duck's from nova scotia.you got a nova scotia hunting license??"

again the smart guy reached into his wallet keeping calm and patience and brought out a nova scotia license.


the game warden was extremely frustrated at this point, and he yelled at the smart guy"just where the hell are you from??"


the smart guy smiled, turned around, bent over, dropped his pants showing his butt and said,


" you tell me, you are the expert."

After having their 11th child, Laloo & Rabri decided that was enough. So then Laloo went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife did not want any more children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem. The doctor instructed him to go home, get a Diwali bomb, light it, put it in a empty Coke can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10. Laloo said to the doctor, "I'm the smartest man in Bihar, but I don't see how putting a Diwali atom bomb in a Coke can next to my ear is going to help me with my problem." So the couple drove to Delhi to get a second opinion. The Delhi physician was just about to tell them about the procedure for a vasectomy when he noticed by their Medical records that they were from Bihar. This doctor instead told Laloo to go home and get a Diwali atom bomb, light it, place it in a Coke can and hold it to his ear and count to 10. Figuring that both learned physicians knew what they were talking about and couldn't be wrong, Laloo went home, lit a atom bomb, put it in a coke can. He held it up to his ear and began to count with his fingers on his left hand : "1,2,3, 4,5" At which point he paused, placed the coke can between his legs and resumed counting on the other hand.

here once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived
on the plane, he felt the seats and said, "Wow, these seats are big!"
The person next to him answered, "Everything is big in Texas."
When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar. Upon arriving
in the bar, he ordered a beer and got a mug placed between his hands.
He exclaimed, "Wow these mugs are big!" The bartender replied,
"Everything is big in Texas." After a couple of beers, the blind
man asked the bartender where the bathroom was located.
The bartender replied, "Second door to the right."
The blind man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally
tripped over and skipped the second door. Instead,
he entered the third door, which lead to the swimming pool
and fell into the pool by accident. Scared to death,
the blind man started shouting, "Don't flush, don't flush!"

Coming into the bar and ordering a double, the man leaned over and confided to the bartender, "I'm so pissed off!"

"Oh yeah? What happened?" asked the bartender politely.


"See, I met this beautiful woman who invited me back to her home. We stripped off our clothes and jumped into bed and we were just about to make love when her damned husband came in the front door. So I had to jump out of the bedroom window and hang from the ledge by my fingernails! "

"Gee, that's tough," commiserated the bartender.

"Right, but that's not what really got me," the customer went on. "When her husband came into the room he said 'Hey great! You're naked already! Let me just take a leak.' And damned if the lazy son of a bitch didn't piss out the window right onto my head?"

"Yeech!" the bartender shook his head. "No wonder you're in a lousy mood."


"Yeah, but I haven't told you what really, really got to me. Next, I had to listen to them grunting and groaning and when they finished, the husband tossed his condom out of the window. And where does it land? My damned forehead!"

"Damn, that's awful!" says the bartender.

"Oh, I'm not finished. See what really pissed me off was when the husband had to take a dump. It turns out that their toilet is broken, so he stuck his ass out of the window and let loose right on my head!"


The bartender paled. "That would sure mess up my day."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," the fellow rattled on, "But do you know what REALLY, REALLY, REALLY pissed me off? When I looked down and saw that my feet were only SIX inches off the ground."

Sometimes wealthy people, while trying to flaunt off, forgets what might be the consequence of it, which can be embarrassing. Here is a same situation…

A laughter show is carrying out in a city, a participant performing on the stage from one hour. All audience rolling on the floor and laughing for his jokes except one big stout man in the middle of the audience sitting proudly and looking serious at him.

After the show completes this participant come and ask that proud man “Sir, everybody clapping to my jokes except you, what make the difference ? you already know my jokes or they are not funny for you?“

The proud man replied “why should I clap and get strained for your jokes, I am rich, so I appointed some people to clap instead, see my back there are 4 people clapping for me“.
The participant left that place sadly.

Next day this participant saw the proud man and his wife walking on his street. This guy greeted the proud man and asked “Sir, where are you going by walk, you being rich, no need to walk like this”.

Proud man replied “My wife is pregnant ….” Then this participant completed his sentence “oh yes sir, you are rich, you don’t need to strain for it, how many people you appointed for this ??“

George Bush goes to one school to give a speech. After his talk he offers question time.

One little boy puts up his hand and George asks him what his name is. "Bob".
"And what is your question, Bob?"

"I have 3 questions.
1) Why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?
2) Why are you President when Kerry got more votes?
3) What happened to Osama Bin Laden?

Just then the bell rings for recess. George Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess.

When they resume George says, "OK, where were we? Oh that's right --- question time. Who has a question?"

A different little boy puts up his hand. George points him out and asks him what his name is. "Steve"
"And what is your question, Steve?"

"I have 5 questions.
1) Why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?
2) Why are you President when Kerry got more votes?
3) What happened to Osama Bin Laden?
4) Why did the recess bell go 20 minutes early?!.
5) Where is "Bob"?!!

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. Your boss is always yelling, "I wanna see your ass in here by 8:00!"

2. Can take advantage of computer monitor radiation to work on your tan.

3. "I'd love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants."

4. To stop those creepy guys in Marketing from looking down your blouse.

5. You want to see if it's like the dream.

6. So that with a little help from Muzak you can add "Exotic Dancer" to your exaggerated resume.

7. People stop stealing your pens after they've seen where you keep them.

8. Diverts attention from the fact that you also came to work drunk.

9. Gives "bad hair day" a whole new meaning.

10. No one steals your chair.