About Hell

A thermodynamics professor had written a take home exam for his graduate students. It had one question: "Is Hell exothermic (gives off
heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Support your answer with a proof."

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed)
or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:
"First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So, we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the
rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As
for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if
you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not
belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can
expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in
Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until
all Hell breaks loose.
2. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell
freezes over.

So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Therese Banyan during my Freshman year, 'That it will be a cold night in
Hell before I sleep with you', and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then 2
cannot be true, and so Hell is exothermic."

This student got the only A.

What Women Want in a Man

What Women Want in a Man. Age 20

1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful
4. A caring listener
5. Witty
6. In good shape
7. Dresses with style
8. Appreciates finer things
9. Full of thoughtful surprises
10. An imaginative, romantic lover

What Women Want in a Man. Age 30

1. Nice looking [prefer hair on his head]
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner
4. Listens more than talks
5. Laughs at my jokes
6. Carries bags of groceries with ease
7. Owns at least one tie
8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries
10. Seeks romance at least once a week

What Women Want in a Man. Age 40

1. Not too ugly [bald head OK]
2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
3. Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally
4. Nods head when I'm talking
5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down
10. Shaves most weekends

What Women Want in a Man. Age 50

1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public
3. Doesn't borrow money too often
4. Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting
5. Doesn't re-tell the same joke too many times
6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends
7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
8. Appreciates a good TV dinner
9. Remembers your name on occasion
10. Shaves some weekends

What Women Want in a Man. Age 60

1. Doesn't scare small children
2. Remembers where bathroom is
3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep
4. Only snores lightly when asleep
5. Remembers why he's laughing
6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himselfWhat a woman sees in a man
7. Usually wears some clothes
8. Likes soft foods
9. Remembers where he left his teeth
10. Remembers that it's the weekend

What Women Want in a Man. Age 70+

1. Breathing
2. Doesn't miss the toilet

Checks are not accepted!

5 Great Short Incidents that Helped

1 - First Important Lesson - Cleaning Lady.

During my second month of college, our professor gave us a pop
quiz. I was a conscientious student and had breezed through
the questions until I read the last one:

"What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?"

Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the cleaning woman
several times. She was tall, dark-haired and in her 50s,
but how would I know her name?

I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank.
Just before class ended, one student asked if the last question
would count toward our quiz grade.

"Absolutely, " said the professor. "In your careers, you will meet
many people. All are significant. They deserve your attention
and care, even if all you do is smile and say "hello."

I've never forgotten that lesson.
I also learned her name was Dorothy.


2. - Second Important Lesson - Pickup in the Rain

One night, at 11:30 p.m., an older African American woman
was standing on the side of an Alabama highway trying to endure
a lashing rainstorm. Her car had broken down and she desperately
needed a ride. Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car. 

A young white man stopped to help her, generally unheard of
in those conflict-filled 1960s. The MN took her to safety,
helped her get assistance and put her into a taxicab.

She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his address
and thanked him. Seven days went by and a knock came
on the man's door. To his surprise, a giant console color TV
was delivered to his home.

A special note was attached..

It read: "Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway
the other night. The rain drenched not only my clothes,
but also my spirits. Then you came along. Because of you,
I was able to make it to my dying husband's bedside just before
he passed away...

God bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving others."


Sincerely,

Mrs. Nat King Cole.

3 - Third Important Lesson
- Always remember those who serve.


In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a
10-year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table.

A waitress put a glass of water in front of him.

"How much is an ice cream sundae?" he asked. "Fifty cents,"
replied the waitress. The little boy pulled his hand out of his
pocket and studied the coins in it.

"Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?" he inquired.

By now more people were waiting for a table and the waitress
was growing impatient.

"Thirty-five cents," she brusquely replied

The little boy again counted his coins.

"I'll have the plain ice cream," he said.

The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table
and walked away. The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier
and left. When the waitress came back, she began to cry as she
wiped down the table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish,
were two nickels and five pennies..

You see, he couldn't have the sundae, because he needed to
have enough left to leave her a tip.

4 - Fourth Important Lesson. - The obstacle in Our Path.

In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a roadway.
Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would
remove the huge rock. Some of the king's wealthiest merchants
and courtiers came by and simply walked around it.

Many loudly blamed the King for not keeping the roads clear,
but none did anything about getting the stone out of the way.

Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables.
Upon approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden
and tried to move the stone to the side of the road. After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded.

After the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed
a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been. The purse
contained many gold coins and a note from the King indicating
that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder
from the roadway. The peasant learned what many of us
never understand!

Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition.

5 - Fifth Important Lesson - Giving when it Counts...

Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a hospital,
I got to know a little girl named Liz who was suffering from a
rare and serious disease. Her only chance of recovery
appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 5-year old brother,
who had miraculously survived the same disease and had
developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness.

The doctor explained the situation to her little brother,
and asked the little boy if he would be willing to give his blood
to his sister.

I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath
and saying, "Yes I'll do it, if it will save her." As the transfusion
progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did,
seeing the color returning to her cheeks.

Then his face grew pale and his smile faded.

He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice,
"Will I start to die right away?"

Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the doctor;
he thought he was going to have to give his sister all of his blood
in order to save her.



Girls are evil

Benifits of sex

Did you know that you can tell from the skin whether a person is
sexually active or not?

1. Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that when women make love they produce amounts of the hormone estrogen, which makes hair shine and skin smooth.

2. Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes. The sweat produced cleanses the pores and makes your skin glow.

3. Lovemaking can burn up those calories you piled on during that romantic dinner.

4. Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up. It stretches and tones up just about every muscle in the body. It's more enjoyable than swimming 20 laps, and you don't need special sneakers!

5. Sex is an instant cure for mild depression. It releases endorphins into
the bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria and leaving you with a feeling of well-being.

6. The more sex you have, the more you will be offered. The sexually active body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called pheromones.
These subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite sex crazy!

7. Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. IT IS 10 TIMES MORE EFFECTIVE THAN VALIUM.

8. Kissing each day will keep the dentist away. Kissing encourages saliva to wash food from the teeth and lowers the level of the acid that causes decay, preventing plaque build-up.

9. Sex actually relieves headaches. A lovemaking session can release the tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain.

10. A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose. Sex is a natural antihistamine. It can help combat asthma and hay fever.